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Here at TEF, we commend the bravery, determination, and commitment of all 800 workers that have put their names down to help save the UK economy.
They deserve an award at the very lest. More than a few bloody tickets that connect with dog airlines in distant places.
But then again, maybe they should all be lined up and shot.
Anyone who listens to the FUD-inducing tones of Mr Walsh needs to be refereed to a mental institution.
But let's not get carried away here. Let's get Mr big-dick himself checked out first...
Second thoughts, let's just get rid of the twat.
You don't have to be a moron to be on the board at DSG, but it helps.
Not long ago, NS was frowning at the fact that Dixons-Currys-PC world group were experiencing heavy losses, and were seeking additional investment to help them get by.
This was despite the fact that aggressive U.S electric giant Best-Buy was going to be pushing hard into the space with all guns blazing.
What was needed was a dramatic restructure, not a loan.
And now, just a few months later, hey presto - money being poured down drains large enough to hold Africa's' water reserves.
Now hold on a minute!!!
Put that into the news spoon journalism translator, and it comes out as:
Financial Crisis imminent!
That's a code red folks. Everyone to the bridge!!!
NS has every reason to be alarmed. The report says "the fragile state of Britain's banks mean they remain vulnerable, which could spark FRESH TURMOIL should new shocks hit the economy.
Should???
There's s typo for ya!
In today's news alone, we are looking at a collapse in our steel industry. Corus is about to fire 2000 staff from UK plants. There are stockpiles of steel all over the place (admittedly most of which is the result of the governments car scrappage scheme, but we remain positive). Demand has slumped. When the peak of the UK car scrappage scheme has passed (about now by NS's reckoning) we'll be at a virtual standstill. Is that crisis a big enough crisis to constitute it being a crisis???
Errrrr..
'but its not banking. we are talking about banks here'
Look pal, we're talking about the economy here. No pay-cheques, no banks. Comprende?
Whoa there!!!
That can't be right. It's way out of fashion. According to Gary Duncan of The Times, 'The housing market slump is close to ending, with prices set to bottom out at the end of this year and begin (wait for it) RISING again by 2011, the city is predicting."
Just who is this 'city' bloke?
News Spoon insists on knowing more...
Well, this news-hype is a product of news agency Reuters, who ran 'a pole of economists', who are betting that prices will rise during 2011.
They also recon on prices falling a further 8% this year.
Now that's more like it. There's nothing like dishing slices of doom-news, topped with a sugary, chocolate topping.
Yummy!!!
We are always on the look out for interesting, insightful and entertaining books in this field, but are constantly let down.
Freakanomics got us entertained in parts, but for the rest, it was downright dreary.
So when a superstar such as Peston was mentioned, we grabbed at the chance!
A right riveting read???
Err.... Nope.
Something worries me about Peston. I'm not sure what it is.
Fair doos, he's a great analyst. He even asks the right questions, but could it be that the BBCs main man lacks the big picture thinking required to solve the world's economic crisis?
Sorry, i forgot for a second there that he is a reporter. Let's not get too carried away!
According to some papers and web sites,you may be mistaken into thinking he is some sort of economic god, an enlightened being who already knows the score before the interview takes place.
Someone who's already got the story sussed, written and wrapped in their head, before heading for the hotel lobby for a double Jack.
His 'Who runs Britain' is apparently a rewrite of guide that claimed to predict that an economic crisis was about to break out.
Only, story has it, that by the time it was printed, that prediction was old news. A remix was in order and this is the result. 300 odd pages of turgid analysts, that while holds an excellent knowledge of finance and the city, does little to educate about the economy.
The trouble with a massive global economic crisis is that everyone looks for local answers. And all the answers are there - They can point fingers at local politics! local banks! even local companies!
Fork's, it's not that simple.
Otherwise we'd have it sussed! Each and every one of us. We would'nt need party-poopers like Peston pissing in our beer glasses.
So what's the verdict here?
Well, if the inner bowels of this country's financial system turn you on, then 'this books for you'.
But don't sit by me at the dinner table.
The Chinese of course!
The Chinese are very keen on remodeling the
the world financial system'
Now that's more like it.
A little late maybe, but better late than never, I'll hope you'll agree.
And Darling is working hard to ensure a bi-lateral trade agreement between the uk and china will 60bn by 2010'
There's nothing like a sense of humor.
But, we have no choice but to take the Chinese seriously.
They are the only one left with any spending cash.
Even Dubai has gone tits up
The last one standing doesn't even speak our language.
Something tells me an investment in publishing language guides would be a good investment.
Those printing presses would be put to better use by knocking out several million phrase books so we can all speak fluent mandarin.
Forget sterling! It's finished anyway. No good getting all emotional about our currency. We'll leave that to Hague and his 'save the pound' campaign.
We'll be spending out Yuans. He'll be out on his on.
With the Chinese yuan is on the brink of overtaking the u.s dollar as the worlds reserve currency, even the Americans are coming around to this way of thinking.
Professor Roubini of new york stern business school has been nick-named Dr doom for his negative stance.
And while all this is happening, trade continues to fail in the US, and unemployment continues to rise.
With the lowest figures since 1950, and nearly 8million unemployed, its time USA fesses up to put faith in china.
Keep those phrase books handy!
It seems you can't even give papers away these days.
God help the sales team bashing away at the phones all day. The tiresome, sweaty lot, tied up in some basement by their phone lines, smiling and dialing.
Has anyone checked suicide rates in the media sales community recently?
As far as GonzoTech sees it, there is only one company that can save print.
And that is Google.
Why? Well, its becoming apparent people aren't even bothering to go to newspaper web sites anymore.
Such a shame. The Internet was the last hope for advertising...
"Hell, we can be in color all the time at no added cost!!! Hey, get some more interns in, will you?!!!...... We can have graphics!!!! Videos!!! We can morph ourselves into a TV company!!!"
They got so overexcited with the idea, they started referring to parts of their printing rooms as 'Channels'.
The even started having extensions to their business model, with the name TV at the end of it.
All that whizzy advertising? All that flashy art work? It's being looked at by... no one.
Why? 'Coz its all on the desktop, stupid!
IGoogle has the lot. Working away quietly in the background, automatically updating itself with the best stories from around the world, 24/7 without so much as a mention of a tea break.
And its the winning formula.
Google inc. dishes it out for free.
The poorly paid journalist who broke the story gets fired.
Why? 'Coz the business model market has collapsed.
"Sorry guys. I'm going to have to let you go. All of you.", a tearful eyed ED lets rip of the biggest braking-news story he's had the pleasure of discovering in the almost loyal 35 years at he local rag. All the rest was cut and past from the news wire.
Even he couldn't be bothered to check into his Reuters account. He's got iGoogle right in front of him. All the news in the work in less than one mouse click.
How about that for efficiency?
But here's the kicker yeah ok- we concur. We like kickers at GonzoTech).
While they are all out in the lobby saying their goodbyes and promising to keep in touch 'forever with such a loyal, good natured and genuine friends' (its the first time they've referred to their colleges as friends, but this is an emotional day!!! We must forgive the lack of rational thinking) and writing down illegible email addresses on used napkins that they will accidentally throw away later - 'graduate Johnie's' story is been read by more people around the globe than he could have ever dreamed of.
Two million hits??? The print run was only 250,000!!!
Now there's food for thought.
GonzoTech says:
"Which ever newspaper does a deal with Google secures a future."
What's more, in the ADHD society, where people want faster hits, stronger coffee and even faster food, the forthcoming on-demand cellphone networks will seal the newspapers fate.
By next year, 4g networks will give on -demand, uninterrupted audio and video breaking news stories from across the globe.
And Johnie will be there, on camera, dishing it out to the world.
He never dreamt of being a TV star.